Saturday April 7

11:55 am

There are 2 things that I avoid like fucking with the Rage’s sweets, religion and politics. While one is the most ridiculous concept ever…. conceived, I get a lot of questions about religion. “How can you do what you do and even consider yourself a good person, you are going to burn in hell”. Ouch! I am a good person. The “ higher power “ you speak about made me. Let that saute a moment. Made me. I didn’t choose to have this irrepressible power lurking under my skin, in my mind, a part of me. It’s here and I am using every bit of humanity, love, passion, whatever you want to call it to keep the Rage focused on a positive bottom line, if I can be so crass. We did find that focus. He found something he likes even more than….JUSTICE….he found what was taken from him so many years ago. He found love.

That being said, the Rage does have other pursuits. Tango is resting most uncomfortably at the Chateau. The only reason we can consider these enlightened thoughts is that the source of what made the Rage who he is today is at his fingertips. I’ve seen the Rage end 4 people with just his fingertips….

We have to feed this dung beetle something so I grind up a pop tart (the off brand that taste like cardboard on a good day), the rat droppings in his room (I don’t want any complaints to management, the Rage is the GM), and some form of liquid. Hmmm, use your imagination. Grind, feed, alive to rap with the Rage another day…

Back to the enlightenment. Uniform for all intents and purposes is just a cranky old fucker. He isn’t guilty of anything other than being on the road while he is BWD, Belligerent While Driving! I know what you are thinking…relative. Might be, scary as that is, even the Rage doesn’t want to arrange a lunch date with this cranky dinosaur. He doesn’t get a pass though, you just can’t drive like that while the Rage holds a “valid” driver’s license….I took his social security and pension checks out of his mailbox. Can you believe that both checks arrived the same day we were in town? I’m taking that as the “higher power” mentioned above, approves of our new mission objective. Because I don’t want you to call an intervention on the Rage, I called in Uniform’s bar tab that is due at his local watering hole so no more 12 beer Tuesdays. Trust me, nothing will bring Uniform to his knees quicker, but just in case, and since he doesn’t do email, I….typed a fucking letter. I then had to drive to the Pack & Ship for stamps and envelopes because, really, who the fuck mails anything anymore, and sent him the following:

“Dear Uniform,

I am a serial killer who targets people who are the worst driver’s imaginable and who have the misfortune of crossing my path at an odd angle. You sir, drove right over that angle, backed up and did it a fourth time. Normally, I would stalk you, learn your every weakness and exploit that before, quite frankly, ending your life in probably the worst scenario ever, for you. I am trying to change my ways now and am just trying to help rid the roadways of people who are actually trying to get nowhere fast and doing it in the rudest manner possible. Maybe….without violence and death. In the spirit of the new path I am trying to take, I will give you a choice that many, many others didn’t get:

You choose:

1: Uber, 2: Public transportation, 3: Death.

I am not even remotely fucking around, you choose….

Simon”

I will let you know how that works out in what…7 to 10 days…

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