1:15 pm
Q&A: Are you a sports fan? Not so much a fan as an interested observer. Why do you think we used the Louisville Slugger, the rage was watching some baseball and the idea was born? I am a fan of the Virginia Tech Hokies, a friend of mine is a Hokie so I stay abreast of the action. Plus, who doesn’t like football, all that unbridled violence.
You know I always like to segway into our guests so speaking of unbridled violence, let me tell you his story, or nightmare if you are looking at it from Mike’s perspective. And it wasn’t coincidence that I chose to answer the sports question above because after doing my research on the hairy nutsack known as Mike, I found that the only thing Mike seems to care about is golf. Immediately the rage just wanted to punch him in the face because golf is just so boring but I talked him down, promising him some fun later with all of Mike’s ridiculously expensive golf equipment. You wouldn’t believe how much he paid for all this crap. Thankfully, Mike just made a sizeable donation to PETA. Kevin said they needed some cash infusion and Mike was kind enough to volunteer his money so he won’t be tempted to spend any more of it. Who am I kidding, other than an urn, I don’t think Mike will need much more money.
Mike took the day off yesterday so he could get some golfing in. Good thing for us since there is a blind spot on the 7th fairway that butts up next to an access road on the other side of the woods. Perfect place for the transport. Mike hit a great shot and as he was walking by the woods I hit him with the tranq gun and dragged him through the woods to the transport. I wonder how long it will be before they realize Mike never finished his round. Since we had Mike’s precious clubs, the rage wanted to see if they would fit up his ass since Mike was so fond of tailgating. Unfortunately for Mike, he had a full set of clubs and the rage wouldn’t take no for an answer. It’s amazing how much the human ass will hold. After submitting a photo to the good folks at Guinness (I already told the rage there isn’t a category for ass stuffing but he insisted we submit it) the rage had his fun so he used Mike’s prized putter and finished the round. I tried to explain to the rage that the low score wins, but after he 48 putted Mike’s head, he said the rules were changed and now the high score wins. If you want to argue with him go ahead, just make sure he isn’t holding a golf club when you do.
Not too far from the ops center we found a parcel of land that was being cleared and they left a woodchipper there. Thank you. I washed it up after I used it. Mike is now mulch. I like him so much better like this.
I need to call my man Kevin and figure out what to do with Mike’s black lab, the dog is eating me out of house and chateau. Cute little fucker though, the rage wants to keep him so sooner rather than later Kevin!