4:15 pm
I don’t watch too much TV, I prefer live entertainment, but every now and again I flip through the channels to see if anything interesting is going on in the world. Well, I found someone the rage hates even more than the new colonel, remember that little “can you hear me now” prick? He jumped from one company to…. Sprint. You remember the rage’s disdain for a breach in loyalty as well as anything to do with Sprint, not only did this guy fuck over his last company, he did it to join Sprint. That is the definition of dick in my dictionary. How pathetic is it that Sprint can’t even come up with their own advertising, they have to steal shitty actors from other companies? The rage would like to get that little bitch on his table and find out using his drill if dick muncher can hear him now. Probably not through his screams though, the rage can dream….
Too bad for November that we saw the commercial right before it was time to “Work Bitch”. And work the rage did. Turns out that November worked, when it suited the lazy bastard, in landscaping which means he had a nice chainsaw. Unfortunately for him, we watched a pirate movie the night before and one of the crew was being punished, they were giving him lashes. That’s getting whipped for those who don’t watch pirate movies or know what lashings are. Since the rage doesn’t have a whip in his bag of tricks, yet, he made due with the chainsaw chain. The rage can be very creative and inventive when the motivation strikes and I have never seen him this motivated. He fashioned a handle to one end of the chain, after making sure to dull it up somewhat first, more painful he reasoned. Then he went to work lashing November until he saw the error of his ways. Actually, I don’t think he saw anything, I found one of his eyeballs on the floor when we were cleaning up. I think he probably made it through 20-25 lashes before November was done but the rage likes even numbers so he rounded up to 50. We packaged what was left and took it to where we had been leaving corn out on the edge of a field not too far out of town to draw in the hogs. We spiced up their diet somewhat. I never could understand why people buried bodies they were trying to hide when there are so many other natural, and certainly more creative, ways available to ensure nothing remains. We like to recycle, I think it’s Kevin’s influence. Hey, speaking of Kevin you will be happy to know he found a good home for Skidmark, that’s what the rage named the black lab. He wasn’t too happy about giving the dog up until he met his new kid and then he knew that’s where Skidmark needed to be. He was almost inconsolable until I promised to buy him a real whip. Not that he didn’t enjoy his homemade one, it just wouldn’t make that Crack sound like the whip did in the movie. It’s the small things in life. I know I spoil him but the rage is family, what can I do.