Sunday December 23, 2018

10:15 am

I met Adam yesterday. Yup, the Rage is back. Apparently, out of sight was in deed out of mind because the rules are being flaunted as boldly as ever. People driving under the speed limit in the left lane, failing to use signal turns, coming to a complete stop before making a right turn…. That was just the first mile. Really?

Do you know what the vehicular version of a bully is? Tractor Trailers. Certainly not all, or even most, but the few that let all that bulk go to their heads and use it in an unsafe manner on the roadways, deserve some special attention. They are professionals after all. I was transporting a most precious cargo and Adam thought it would be a good time to fuck with the other drivers on the road. I was traveling in a hilly area and ol Adam would wait until you were getting ready to pass him on an uphill section and would pull out to pass the tractor trailer in front of him, effectively blocading the only 2 travel lanes going in that direction. Sure, I understand that sometimes the only way one truck can pass the other is to do it on an incline, if the other truck is burdened and can’t keep pace, but Adam was trying to make a sport of it. Maybe to pass the time and alleviate the boredom? I don’t think he will be bored at the Farm, we always have some kind of activity going on and now that D and I don’t have Tango to play with, we have some time to dedicate to a new guest. Adam, your room is ready. We followed him to the next truck stop and placed a tracer on the truck. I found the driver’s information easily enough on the company website and will be paying him a home visit in the next few days. Stay tuned.

We got our family settled and safe. You, whose name will be known soon enough, missed! Since we have met Adam already, this mystery corpse shall be named Benjamin for our project. Benjamin, dear ignorant Benjamin, you had your chance and all you did was paint a giant target on your ass. That’s ok though, it helps with red-hot poker guidance. You don’t want that thing missing the target, it leaves a nasty welt. You probably don’t want it hitting the target either but hey, decisions have consequences as you will soon appreciate. The Rage and I will be seeing you around the water cooler.

Hey, do you remember Uniform, the cantankerous old cuss who we tried to gently convince to stop driving? The last I told you was when D and I removed his wheels and left the truck up on blocks and had his driver’s license cancelled. That didn’t even slow him down. He somehow found some new wheels and was driving around less than 2 days later. We then decided to increase the pressure, the negative consequences. I wired his  ignition wire to a metal plate in his seat so when he turned the key, all of the battery’s power went straight to his taint. If I hadn’t set out a surveillance camera, I would have missed it. It had to be one of the funniest things we have ever seen. I think the electricity froze his muscles for several seconds because he just sat there shaking like a dog trying to shit peach stones, as my daddy used to say. He was finally able to stop the current and he jumped out of the truck like he had fire ants crawling up his legs. You really can’t unsee a man trying to look at his own taint. It’s just not a pretty sight.

Believe it or not, that barely slowed him down.  The bag of cement I put in his gas tank did though.

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