2:55 pm
Sorry I have been out of touch for the last couple of days, but we have had a change in our family dynamic. I was able to convince D that he should pursue a different path than the Rage and I are on and he finally agreed. I am happy and proud that he took this step because it shows his development as a man. He did not want to stop working with me, but he has someone in his life that he cares about, maybe more than he cares about himself. He is making this decision for her and to be able to have a future together. They both have such amazing gifts and I am sure that whatever path they choose, they will be helping others along the way. I’m just having a tough time adjusting to them being gone. D doesn’t say much, but I can always feel his presence when he is around me and I miss it. He is also the most capable operative I have seen and he will be missed in the field. The Rage is a little grumpy too having lost his best buddy so Ida picked the worst time to walk into our life.
Before we get into that, I have a Q&A that I have been avoiding for a long time and since I opened up about my changing family dynamic, I will share more. The question is about my mom. I have mentioned in the past a lot about my dad and you know how he left this world but I have received several questions asking about my mom since I have mentioned her a couple of times. My mom was taken by cancer about 7 months after my wife was killed in the car crash that was meant to kill me. To say I was distraught would be like saying the Rage is a little bit grumpy. She was my rock and if I hadn’t had her to lean on when my wife was taken, I don’t think I would have come through it. She was a saint of a woman, to have lived with my dad all those years. I didn’t exaggerate with any description of the man, but my mom loved him anyway. Cancer is way more deadly and malevolent than the Rage ever could be. It is as brutal and relentless a killer that the world has ever seen. It took everything from her and left her nothing but a shell of her former self. The Rage was already starting to develop before she died, but once we saw her take that last breath, I knew right then that the Rage would be with me the rest of my life. I have worked very hard to direct that energy to doing good and I think, for the most part, I have succeeded.
Ida would disagree. I tried to show him the error in his ways and give him a way out, but apparently he had a new shovel and just wanted to dig himself a deeper hole. I sent him our usual message, through text this time to drive home the fact that I have access to that information, but Ida replied like a man who will shortly be down one digit…at the very least. I don’t know if it is the proliferation of violence in the media, movies, TV, and video games, but I’m pretty sure people think they are untouchable, that nothing can get to them. And then they meet the Rage and that look in their eyes when they finally understand the dire situation they are in is the only reality that they will ever know. It is the realization that they are going to die very shortly, very painfully, and there is nothing they can do about it. The Rage has a scrapbook of photos of those looks if you ever want to see it…. Hang out in the left lane long enough and you may be in there one day yourself!
We tried with Ida, but it was wasted effort on our part. We are prepping for a solo night Op right now. I hope Ida made some cookies for us, it might be a long night and the Rage likes to keep his energy up.