Sunday May 20

2:25 pm

You will be happy to know that the Zulu uprising has been put down. Extra credit if you can name the movie I stole that quote out of. I can also tell you that due to the sensitive nature of the fuckery involved with this whole plot that the world will never hear anything about it. To be honest, if you knew what they were up to it would difficult to go on living a normal carefree life. I have been in this black world most of my adult life and I can tell you it’s better not knowing. That being said, I will give you the highlights of how the Rage was able to persuade Zulu’s buddy to give us the details of his diabolical plan.

What I can share is that this group was planning a bioterrorist attack. Really nasty stuff too. The maker of said nasty really wasn’t in a mood to share intel with the Rage, which only made his day. The Rage was pretty impressed with D and his blowgun. We aren’t really sure how he would pick up that particular weapon or skill, but skilled he is. He spent a couple hours showing the Rage how it works so he was anxious to give it a whack. For sake of reference, the architect of this nasty will be referred to as PC. Short for Pin Cushion. Let me explain.

I had PC study Snatchchat footage for a couple of hours and he seemed a little paler when I went back in to check on him, but he still maintained his stoicism. Cool, let’s try out that blow gun. You know the Rage is not just going to use a boring dart, what fun would that be. We found an old car battery in the warehouse we were storing PC so I dipped the tips of the darts in the acid. That seemed to elicit a response that I think we can work with. The Rage is a quick study. I am sure all the hours of archery training had something to do with it. I hit the play button and “Bleed It Out” by Linkin Park started blasting over the speakers, the Rage singing even louder. We were about 30 darts in and PC seemed to be fading, but still would not reveal the location of the last of his bioweapons. My team intercepted some of this weapon so I had a small amount of it with me. I dipped the dart into the mix, making sure PC was watching my every move. I lined up a direct shot to his left testicle, took a deep breath and PC decided it was time to play nice. Once I got the locations, I grabbed another dart and shot him in his left nut anyway…. Then his right…. I would have liked to make some PC sausage, I have an old rusty meat grinder I carry with me just in case, but I need to turn him over to the authorities who are very interested to hear all about PC’s adventures in chemistry.

D and I bid adieu to our buddies Dead and Lee and we are heading back to see our lady. The Rage is ready for more adventure, but I could sure use some R&R. I should have used another term because the Rage thinks R&R means Rip and Remove.

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