8:30 pm
Q&A: If you could hang out with 2 famous people for a day, who would it be? That’s easy, Lee Child and Bear Grylls. Lee Child wrote the Jack Reacher books and the man knows a little bit about rage. I loved the books and read them all. Bear Grylls is just one wide open human being and I imagine being around that energy is pretty thrilling. Plus, he can find something to eat anywhere on the planet, a good skill to have, the rage likes to eat. Can you imagine a camping trip with the three of us, probably a good idea to keep the camping knives away from Lee and I? I read what Jack Reacher can do with a knife and you know I have an affinity myself.
Enough fiction for the day, let’s get to the non-fiction portion of our day because it is worth the read. Juliet parks in a parking garage so I waited in my car until I saw him come out of the elevator. He will have one more drunk driving incident and unfortunately it will involve a fatality…his, so we need his car. I got out of my car and walked up behind him until he was at his driver’s door and I said “excuse me sir”, when he turned I hit him with the stun gun. I never get tired of that look in their eyes as the volts start flowing through them and their muscles stop working. He hit the ground in a pile, limbs this way and that. If I wasn’t on a timeline, I might have taken a photo or two, but work calls. I threw him into the trunk and headed to the ops center.
Here’s the tricky part. Juliet needs to have a high enough blood alcohol level when they do the autopsy on what’s left of the walking human excrement but I don’t want to dull the effects of the punishment phase because if anyone deserves the rage’s undivided attention, it’s Juliet. I had to time it just right so I could get enough alcohol into his system before his heart stopped beating. I ended up having to do chest compressions for a good 15 minutes, the rage got a little carried away. I read somewhere that fire is considered the basis of humanity. The ability to start fire is what propelled the human race to the point in history and a time that a piece of shit like Juliet can go around drinking and driving and killing 17-year-old girls. I thought it appropriate we celebrate this achievement with a blow torch. The wreck will end in a fiery mess so I let the rage get a head start and after a couple of hours, he looked like Michelangelo working on a masterpiece…. of pain. He loves the blow torch, what can I say. When they were both done and Britney finished singing, we loaded up the drunk corpse of Juliet into his car and headed to the accident scene. There is a humongous hill and at the bottom is an abandoned house with an old propane tank that I made sure had some propane in it. It was actually pretty easy, I started the car, shifted it into gear and watched from the top of the hill as Juliet’s car went straight down the hill and into the tank. The explosion lit up like a new day dawning, a beautiful day without Juliet in it.
Thankfully the divorce wasn’t final yet and Juliet changed the beneficiaries on his will and life insurance to take care of his estranged wife and kids. Fucker had changed everything to his mistress, too bad for her. She should have had a more stringent mate selection process.