8:15 pm
Q&A: What is your favorite movie? It’s always been a tossup between Star Wars and Jaws but after Echo so lovingly taught the rage and I the art of shark fishing, I am now leaning all the way towards Jaws. Sharks are magnificent creatures and excellent help in disposing of bodies. Plus, who doesn’t like captain Quint, “Here’s to swimmin with bowlegged women”. It sure beats my dad’s tagline when he looked me in the eye as serious as a day in church and says, “Just once son, make sure you fuck her in the stinky pucker.” My old man was a beauty, that’s for sure. He died of a massive heart attack about a week after sharing that Hallmark moment with me as he was cursing his neighbor out because their dog kept shitting in my dad’s yard. You still wonder where the rage comes from?
Kilo knows right where the rage comes from, we took our time explaining it to him. I mentioned Kilo works as a security guard at night. The building he works in is 27 floors high. Imagine the damage to the body a jump from the roof by a man overwhelmed with guilt over his choices in life would do. I did and so did the rage. We had surveilled the building before and Kilo is the only security guard on shift. Perfect. We waited until the coast was clear and went to the locked front door and were anxiously looking back at the way we came and staring at my cell phone. We knocked on the door to feign a broken-down car and asked Kilo if we could use the phone to call the tow company since the cell was dead. When Kilo opened the door to tell us no, he found out that not only was the cell fully charged, it is actually a stun gun that looks like a cell. You can get anything you want on Amazon, I love that place.
Once we got Kilo on the roof and strapped in for the punishment phase of his visit, the rage went about duplicating the effects of jumping off a 27-story building while good ol Kilo was still alive and able to enjoy the consequences of his actions. Maybe enjoy is too strong a word…for Kilo, the rage most certainly enjoyed their time together. Thinking about my dad got us in a nostalgic frame of mind so we went old school and employed some good old-fashioned brass knuckles. The rage was always a fan of Mike Tyson, a fellow Rager for sure, so he went about trying to replicate each of Mike’s vicious knockouts. I think we used about half a pound of smelling salts to make sure Kilo didn’t miss any rounds. We made sure he understood just how wrong it is to hit a girl. Unfortunately for Kilo, we might have misunderstood the job of the cut man in the corner. It wasn’t until we were back in the ops center enjoying some vintage Tyson action that it dawned on us that the cut man was supposed to close the cuts, not open them. OOPS!!!
One messy swan dive later and there was a puddle of Kilo on the sidewalk out front of the building and a heartfelt suicide note held in place by his walkie talkie on the roof. Hey, on the brighter side, Kilo had the forethought to take out a big life insurance policy 2 years ago so that the suicide clause wouldn’t be effective. Huh, I wonder how he knew this was going to happen. That and I have a backdoor into the insurance company’s servers. They screwed me over on my premium a couple years back so I had to correct that situation. Anyway, after mourning for the appropriate amount of time for Kilo, 14 seconds should do, hopefully his wife can find a real man. Real men don’t hit women and they don’t cheat on their spouses!