Saturday January 5, 2019

4:15 pm

I have to bypass the Q&A today because I have a good story to tell you, but fret not, we will get back to it soon enough.

Bad news for Adam, the apple bit back. And by apple, you know I mean the Rage. This little fucker was even more twisted than we had first thought. D doesn’t say a lot, but he is always studying, watching, learning and I have come to respect and trust his instincts so when he suspected some foul play was amiss, we had to get to the bottom of the mystery. The Rage has his own polygraph. He holds and ice pick about a half inch from the subject’s eye and says with as much malice as he can, which is a lot,

“If you lie to me, I will slowly drive this ice pick into your eye” pause for dramatic effect. “And then we do it again on the other eye. You can imagine where we go from there.” His face right in the subject’s, never blinking. It hasn’t failed us yet. We quickly determined that Adam knew the other men in his crew from childhood and they have been up to no good ever since. Eve, on the other hand, got sucked into this den of dickery because she was trying to save her older sister. Adam started dating her sister about a year ago, got her hooked on drugs and is basically holding her prisoner in his house, threatening to OD her if Eve didn’t work with him and his gang of ass zits. D and I visited said abode and found exactly what he said we would. See, the lie detector is infallible. We took the girl to a facility to help get her clean and we introduced Adam to the Rage’s version of home improvement. Remember the router, turns out we didn’t even need the scroll saw, the router was too much fun by itself. Makes a hell of a mess though.

We left the men, let’s just say “secured”, at the group’s warehouse where they were housing their stolen goods. We informed the authorities that the men had a moment of regret and wanted to turn themselves in. We took Adam’s truck back and left it at his employer’s lot with a letter of resignation taped to the steering wheel. Adam was going to walk across Europe and find himself. Good luck with that, there isn’t anything left to find.

Feeling satisfied that we, once again, helped make the world a little better by taking out the trash, it’s time to go see how my ladies are doing. It’s supposed to rain tonight while I will be traveling so please make sure your headlights are on and you are driving courteously, the Rage still wants to give the scroll saw a whack and we have an opening at the farm.

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