Undisclosed location Detroit, MI
2:15 pm

Nikki, who was hanging out during Simon’s interrogation of One with her own set of headphones on watching the perimeter, had to agree that seeing the Rage singing to Torres was indeed terrifying. She also had to suppress a smile because the look on his face was priceless. In the end it worked like a charm and Torres had given the team the location of the warehouse the east coast launchers were being stored in. Torres was not given the location or any information at all about the west coast team and their missiles. The gang leader, Lopez, insisted the two teams function completely independently so neither had any interaction with the other.

Nikki had been watching the warehouse on the video feed Simon had set up for them for the last several hours waiting on the ground team McShay organized. They were going to take down the warehouse and recover what missiles they could. Rob had decided that it is too much of a risk not to take out this warehouse and recover what they could so they went ahead and sent in the ground team. Meanwhile, Simon and Nikki had set up on Lopez’s house. Once he got wind of the hit on the warehouse, they figured he would want to be as close to the remaining missiles as he could. It was a gamble, but one they are forced to take.

Nikki tapped Simon’s arm as the ground assault on the warehouse commenced. They watched at the team quickly entered the warehouse, smoke and small arms fire could be seen. A few seconds later they saw one of the team members dragging another out the front of the building. He quickly administered first aid and returned inside the warehouse. About 2 seconds after entering the building, a large explosion came from inside and blew the windows out of the warehouse. Shortly after, the team members started coming out of the warehouse, another 2 team members looked to be wounded but able to make it out of the building with help from their team. They could see the team leader talking to someone on his headset and several seconds later Nikki’s phone rang and she checked to see that it was Rob.

Rob briefed them both over speaker phone. They were able to take out almost all of the gang members very quickly, but there were a couple of them around the warehouse that were able to wound two more of the team members. When they realized they were going to be overrun, the last gang member closest to the missiles threw a grenade into the pile of missiles, but they didn’t detonate. The explosion Nikki and Simon saw was the grenade going off. They confirmed 6 missiles were at the site and are now in the FBI’s custody on their way back to the army. 4 gang members were killed in the raid, another 3 were wounded, 2 critically, and one was uninjured. The FBI would interrogate them but Nikki and Simon already knew they didn’t know anything about the other missiles.

About 3 minutes after hanging up with Rob, the front gate of Lopez’s estate opened and 4 black SUV’s came out nose to tail. After clearing the gate, they all went in separate directions. Nikki was looking at all of the vehicles and back at Simon, worry creasing her forehead. She was just about to say something to Simon when that smirk started playing up the side of his mouth. She turned back to the driveway and a sleek little red Audi convertible being driven by a very attractive black haired beauty came out of the gate and turned to the left. Simon waited a couple of seconds, slipped the car into gear and followed behind the Audi.

Simon reached over and took Nikki’s hand. “It’s ok Butterfly, she was our target from the start.” Nikki looked at Simon with a puzzled expression and he continued, “Leverage Nikki, leverage. I have been studying Lopez and if there is one person in the world that Alejandro cares about, it’s his sister. We couldn’t follow all 4 vehicles, real time anyway” he said smirking, “I have my program watching where the vehicles go. What we need is something that Lopez wants more than the missiles. Let’s hope anyway…”

11:40 am

Hey, thanks for all your feedback from my music expose’ the other day. Apparently, I was the only one not hip to these groups but I have to say, it has really helped expand the consequences phase. An example you ask, wait for it, later in our show viewers. First, let me introduce you to the first shot of Whiskey. I had to have a sub category and you know I like symmetry. You will meet several shots along the way I have a feeling. Let me introduce you to number One.

One is one of the key players in my gang. He’s like the captain of the team on the field, not the head shot caller or coach, but proven, tough, just the kind of guy the Rage likes to have a cold beer with. Well, the Rage has a cold beer, his guests generally get the warmer version of it coming back out. I told you what they did to defenseless children didn’t I. Time for another cold one.

I went off on a little bit of a tangent there, I apologize. One was a tough nut to crack, even after I cracked one of his nuts he was hesitant to tell the Rage what he wanted to hear. Cool, time to change tactics. It’s shockingly simple to acquire hydrochloric acid and a glass dropper. Don’t need anything elaborate. Sorry, I’m getting way ahead of myself here, I didn’t tell you how One came to be our guest yet. Let me share.

We’ve been watching this “soon to be living the rest of his short life in excruciating pain, mother fucker” (sorry, I love Pulp Fiction), and knew where he was going tonight. Usually the pack members stay together, but every Sunday night, One was up to a little two-timing. Yep, cheating bastard. Don’t fret, it would soon be a moot point. One pulled up outside his little hussy’s pad and don’t you know the Rage was hanging out by the hedge One parked next to. Might have been packing a stun gun as well. Let’s just say One got right back in his ride….in the trunk.

Back to the acid and dropper. It is also shockingly easy to find vacant buildings that work just fine for an improv Chateau. Just need somewhere the screams, and yes, the Rage’s singing, cannot travel beyond. The later may bring harsher charges than what we are about to do to One. So back to my musical evolution. One was strapped down to a table, I prefer it waist height. One was wearing no clothes and even though it was cool inside, One seemed to still be sweating. I don’t know if you have ever had the bad luck to come in direct contact with hydrochloric acid, it ain’t fun if One’s reaction is any indication. Still, the tough nut would not crack.

I had no choice, I unleashed the Rage and let his voice fly. I’m not insane, I had my wireless headphones on setting number “please don’t let me hear him sing” and hit Call Me by the group Shinedown. It is a ballad of sorts and when you are trying to scare someone while you torture them for information, having the Rage sing at the top of his lungs “Call me a sinner, call me a saint”, I think I got what I was going for. It was a deadly combination and One started spilling the beans. I mean that in multiple ways, the next improv Chateau will have a functioning ventilation system. At one point, he began to hesitate giving me the most crucial part of the information. It happens, the body gets used to the pain and they start to give up to the inevitable blackness to come. That’s when we crack the nut. I leaned in close to One’s ear,

“I’m not going to kill you, no, that would be too kind. I am going to do something much worse to you. I’m going to finish this….” I held up a small mirror I had brought along and he saw the acid burns on his chest. After a few seconds he finally registered that the drops formed words…. BABY RAP….. “And then I’m going to make sure you make it into prison. They love baby rapers…” I got the rest of the information I needed in succinct, actionable format.

One was the leader of a team that killed three men, all with families. I finished the tattoo and One, as I understand it, is on suicide watch in a federal holding facility awaiting trial. He’s going to be so popular in prison…..

Undisclosed location Detroit, MI
4:45 pm

Nikki and Simon has been working most of the day, Nikki liasing with the local office gaining more intel on the gang and Simon working his magic with his own skills. An audible ping had both stopping and looking up. Simon clicked a few keys and Nikki knew from the smirk forming at the side of his mouth that he found something good. Nikki also thought what kissing the smirk would be like….”what is is Simon” she asked trying to keep her mind in the game.

“I found our leak.” he said leaning back. Simon clicked a few keys and a monitor on the wall came to life and Nikki saw the file Simon was looking at. Colonel James Ortez, 41, exemplary service record and also in charge of logistics for the Army. With his clearance, he would have access to the exact routes the transports would have taken. The screen changed and Nikki was trying to figure out what she was looking at, “Those are records of Ortez accessing the satellite data. He’s the leak. I found him through an association with Carmen Lopez, originally of Detroit, sister of Alejandro Lopez, reputed head of the Il Dimenticato gang. I found photos of them together tracking credit card purchases and looking at security footage. They have a personal relationship. The problem is that Colonel Ortez is a “happily” married man of 16 years. His wife’s father is a 5 star general being considered for a Joint Chief position. Do you want to hazard a guess how they got him to cooperate?

Nikki sat back an let out her breath as she took it all in. “Did you expect anything less from someone who exploits children.” she thought for a few seconds, staring at the file on the monitor. “We can’t do anything with Ortez yet, but we cant let him do any more harm to the military.” Nikki dialed Rob while Simon put the information together on the server. Once they updated Rob he said he would speak with his contact in the Army and they would set up security around Ortez without alerting him until the missiles are returned. Simon was going to make contact with Miguel Torres, he is one of the top lieutenants in the gang and certainly the leader of the east coast strike team according to all of their intel. Torres was going to disappear and they would see how the gang reacts as well as whatever intel the Rage is able to extract.

Simon walked over and nealt in front of Nikki and looked up into her eyes while gently holding her hands, “Butterfly, is there any way I can convince you not to come with me tonight? I…I don’t want you to see this part of me…I..” Nikki pulled her hands out from under his and pulled his chin up so he was looking into her eyes,

“I love you Simon, where you go I go.” she lowered her lips to his and proved it. Simon slowly rose and pulled Nikki to her feet in front of him.

“You’re a tough one Butterfly. I love you very much. You drive then because I am too tired for any more projects.” He turned and led her from the room to prepare for a joint night op…

3:15 pm

I got this Pandora thing figured out and I have to say it has opened up a whole new world to me. I opened up a channel for 3 Days Grace and I found a whole bunch of awesome groups out there, why hasn’t anyone hooked me up before now? Nickelback, Linkin Park, Seether, Skillet, 5 Finger Death Punch for crying out loud? Breaking Benjamin, Theory of a Deadman. How could I not use that one, I am looking into posters on Amazon. Breaking Benjamin, I can’t wait until we get around to our next alphabet, B is definitely going to be Benjamin and the Rage has it all choreographed just you wait. I have been around for a few years so I have heard a good bit of music and I have to say I was about to give up hope for something different. I just didn’t know where to look…. Thanks! I don’t play video games either…don’t judge me. What I can do is change lives with a couple of clicks on my laptop, which I find to be a much more useful skill. Doing it with good music, even better. Let me give you an example.

Our next project is tagged Whiskey. Whiskey is a rather nasty gang that has the misfortune of picking on the wrong people and then us finding out about it. Before we go into the distillery to find our Whiskey, I want to talk about gangs. They have been around since Man ran into other men. I’m pretty sure if it was just ladies a man crossed paths with, there wouldn’t be any gangs. My opinion. Anyway, when humans are put together, strength inevitably rises to the top of weakness and almost always, at the expense of weakness. If you wanted to survive a stronger individual, you found other humans to help band together and defeat the common enemy. Armies, sports teams, clubs, corporations, civic groups, gangs. The thing that separates gangs into their own category is that they are associated with violence and crime. The irony of it is if they used all of their combined intelligence and skills and worked toward a positive, profitable goal they would call them corporations. That’s the difference. What would make someone choose to be in a gang instead of the other groups? What if they didn’t have that choice…

Whiskey preys on the young, weak, and helpless. They take them off the streets, from having a chance, and bring them into their gang where they are trained to be thugs and killers who will keep repeating the cycle, killing scores along the way. The event that caught our attention left 6 families without a loved one. The Rage is wearing black and it’s not in memorial for the fallen…

Night op.

Undisclosed location Detroit, MI
6:30 pm

Nikki was walking around the house that they were currently staying at. When they landed yesterday afternoon, a rental car was waiting at the airport and she had driven them directly to the house. Simon input a code into a lock box and it sprang open and revealed a key for the house. It was a very nice house overlooking the water. The kitchen came fully stocked and the linens freshly changed awaiting their arrival. Simon had arranged all this with his laptop before they taxied down the runway, Nikki marvelled. They spent the day in Detroit. Nikki met the local field office contact and was briefed about Il Dimenticato and all their known players. They were a particularly lethal gang and they had no fear of anyone around them. The police pretty much left them alone because they could never get anything to stick and they were just putting innocent witnesses in jeopardy. If ever anyone deserved to meet the Rage, Nikki thought, it was these bastards. Taking innocent vulnerable kids to become killers and thugs, they deserve what they have coming.

At the same time, Simon was making his introduction to the gang in a much more personal manner. They quickly located the main residence of the gangs leaders and he was setting up his surveillance and equipment. Once he finished, he picked up Nikki and they returned to the house. Rob McShay was due to call and check in.

Strong arms came around her from behind and Simon buried his head into the side of Nikki’s neck. Just as the goose bumps exploded onto her skin, her damn phone rang.. She reluctantly pulled out of Simon’s grasp and turned to face him while answering the phone and putting it on speaker. Nikki and Simon briefed Rob and he said he was able to get a list of people with the access they were looking for. Simon said he would cross that list with our known gang members and see if there is a connection somewhere. Once they had a little more surveillance on the gang, Simon was going to introduce himself to Jimenez, Torres, or both. They had definitive evidence linking them to the theft and that is enough to make a proper introduction. Simon would have a chat before they arrest them. They don’t want to let the gang know they are onto them until they find the munitions and the leak in the military. They ended the call and Simon entered the list into his program and set his computer on their trail.

Nikki cleared her throat as Simon stood and turned toward her, a definite look of purpose in his eyes that she instantly recognized. The goose bumps found their way back out and she cleared her throat again,

“I..I’m a little bit hungry, how about you?” her voice coming out considerably lower and huskier than normal. Simon smiled at Nikki and said,

“I am hungry” as he walked up and slid his hand around Nikki’s and lead her in the exact opposite direction of the fully stocked kitchen. “Let’s go work up a proper appetite.” Who was Nikki to argue that logic?

2:20 pm

We’re off again but we were able to do some more Ragesearch on Victor. This guy is about as much fun as a pimple on your taint. I followed him for quite some time the other day in my chase car and he was out teaching his lessons of ignorance to the driving masses. He was amply rewarded with the sounds of angry horns and one finger salutes showing Victor he was number one in everyone’s book. Problem is, being number one in the Rage’s book just means he turns his attention to you first. And so he did with Victor. Turns out he is no teacher afterall, he is a janitor at a local elementary school. That is the professional version of short man’s disease. No wonder he is out there being a dick, that is his version of bullying. Well, the Rage doesn’t like bullies, not one bit. After finding all that out, we sent him an email yesterday:

“Dear Victor,

I had the displeasure of meeting you the other day on the road. You were out there provoking other drivers trying to prove some type of point. Well, I have a point I will make if you continue to drive in this offensive manner, the choice is yours. You could just drive like a normal courteous person. Just a thought. Actions have consequences and I am pretty sure you don’t have any idea what that means but you soon will. The choice is yours.

Simon”

To Victor’s credit, he waited 3 hours before responding,

“Dear Simon,

I don’t know who you are and frankly I don’t care. I will do as I wish and there is nothing you can do about it.

Victor”

We tried!

Timing is everything. I followed Victor a few cars back waiting for an opportunity I knew his driving style would award, sooner rather than later. We just passed a police car and there was a car right behind Victor that he was “schooling” now. The other driver is obviously incensed, flashing lights and hitting his horn. I quickly dialled 911 and reported a driver, Victor’s car, tag, and physical description and that I saw him brandishing a handgun at the car behind him. I also gave the precise location.

17 seconds later I hear the siren and see the flashing blue lights approaching from behind me at a considerable speed. I pulled over, making sure the cameras were active because I am watching this later and maybe even considering a post on Snatchchat…only if there is bloodshed. We have to keep with the theme of the network.

The police car flys by Victor’s current victim and slides in front of Victor’s car. At the same time, 3 other police cars come flying in from what looked like every direction. Seconds later, guns were aimed at Victor’s head as he was dragged out of his car. Quite ungently I might add. Don’t you know it, they did end up finding a loaded, unregistered gun in Victor’s car. Along with a crack pipe. Guns and drugs don’t mix Victor. He gots lots of splainin to do…Consequences. Do you think he gets it now?

FBI Headquarters
10:45

Nikki was in her office running facial recognition software on the image Simon had sent her last night. He found a tunnel inside the tube going through the mountain. He was able to follow it to the spot a vehicle was parked. Once he obtained the direction he followed until he came to a camera that he borrowed the footage from. Simon followed the digital path of the vehicle until it went into a parking garage in Cleveland, OH. A forensic team was working the vehicle but preliminary reports indicate no usable forensic evidence. Simon was also working on his own facial recognition software and Nikki could only imagine what databases he was accessing. Nikki’s phone rang and she startled for a moment before picking up. It was the lab calling her with a match to the blood found in the wreckage. A moment later her email pinged and she saw the results from the lab. She opened the email and read through it. A moment later, another email notification went off indicating Simon just sent her something as well. She opened that email and pieces of the puzzle started falling together. They had blood evidence from a Miguel Torres and Simon’s facial recognition program found Ricardo Jimenez, both members of Il Dimenticato street gang that formed in the streets of Detroit about 10 years ago. Il Dimenticato translates to “the forgotten” and the gang finds young runaways and recruits and trains them to become their soldiers. The gang is associated with drugs, prostitution, racketeering, and about half a dozen unsolved homicides. Nothing ever seems to stick to them because evidence and witnesses tend to disappear before a trial can even begin. The question is how does a Detroit street gang have information about highly top secret military technology?

Nikki emailed back to Simon and explained the link to the gang. Simon was already packing to head to Michigan, they had 2 names for him to pursue on the ground there. Nikki was already starting to miss Simon when another notification from Simon went off. She opened the email and couldn’t believe what she was reading. “Wheels up in 40” followed by the address to a private airport 15 miles away. She quickly gathered her laptop, purse, and go bag and walked hurried to Rob McShay’s office where she briefed him on what they had. Rob didn’t want to send Nikki, but in the end he relented because he wasn’t going to win the battle with her anyway, and truth be told, Simon needed some back up whether he agreed or not. Rob was going to use his contacts in the military to try and find out who has access to both the satellite data and the new technology.

Nikki arrived at the small airport 38 minutes later and found Simon checking over a small jet. She walked up to him and he just smiled and kissed her like he hadn’t seen her in a month, took her bags and quickly loaded them onto the plane. He escorted Nikki up to the front of the plane and set her in the copilot seat and put a set of headphones over her ears. She just sat there wide eyed because this was all just too much. Simon joined her a few seconds later and after strapping himself into the plane, he started hitting buttons like he was working his laptop trying to locate someone. The plane came roaring to life a few seconds after that and Nikki found herself feeling the ground fall from underneath her yet again, a sensation she has become quite fond of since meeting Simon.

12:25 pm

We have a new mission. The Rage and I have been tasked with recovering something the owners want back very badly and it just so happens that I think it would be in our best interest to help them. Idle hands and all so off we go to pursue our first lead. Before I introduce you to Victor, because you knew someone would come along and remind us just how much we dislike drivers who don’t seem to understand the concept of consequences, I want to get to a Q&A. I keep getting asked for updates on Tango.

Tango would be a good mentor to have in consequence avoidance. I am heading out of town and I am pretty sure I might be a day or two so I wanted to make sure Tango was nice and comfortable. I made a coffin and buried him. What, I’m no monster, I made sure he had company…8 legged company. I seem to remember that Tango wasn’t a fan. Oh well, we had to work with what we had. He’ll be alright for a couple of days…unless his airhole gets plugged. “No use sweating the petty things son when you should be petting the sweaty things” my daddy used to say. What could go wrong, I left him a bottle of water and a pop tart.

Professor Rage will be offering his class on consequence avoidance in the teaching atrium at the Chateau if Victor doesn’t change his butt hole ways. The Rage can pretty much do what he wants, he now has tenure so pay attention Victor.

How did this particular pickle sniffer, Victor, end up on the Rage’s dance card you might ask?
You should have seen it coming with the teaching references. I like to call this behavior the lesson teacher. This is the person who will “teach you a lesson” by driving exactly like they think you should. Ride in the left lane going exactly the speed limit, 3 second delay at a stop sign, signalling and slowing down 10 bus lengths before the left turn lane and my personal disfavorite, creeping up to the stop light instead of just driving up there and stopping like every other person. He even brake checked me. Again, I was in a hurry, heading off to do good and save humanity and then Victor came along and fucked it all up. The Rage tends to make arm gestures when he gets frustrated and that made Victor exaggerate each ass face maneuver. We have it on Rage-O-Vision if you don’t believe me.

We followed Victor into a parking garage for a commercial building. We parked and waited, watched, and photo’d Victor getting out of his car and into the elevator. After disabling the security camera covering Victor’s car, I let myself in and obtained all of the info I needed. I left a couple of parting gifts and locked her all back up the way Victor left her. We will be back to play, but for now we need to get on the road. Saving humanity and all.

FBI Headquarters
2:10 pm

Nikki had spent most of the day down at the forensic garage while the technicians took apart the transport vehicle from the east coast hijacking. They were informed by the local office at the west coast site that there was a heavy rainstorm after the attack that washed away most of the physical evidence. It was determined that a small explosive device had been attached to both vehicles that immediately disabled them. Secondary devices were set on both front doors and once blown, all three occupants of both vehicles were shot multiple times. They recovered the bullets from both sites and were running ballistics, no shell casings were recovered at either site.

Nikki was hoping they could pull some useful evidence off of their vehicle. So far they had found several hairs that they will compare to the transport team samples to see if any don’t match as well as the prints in and on the vehicle. Several hours into the morning, a technician called her over and showed her a small black piece of material and a spec of what they later confirmed was blood. Both are being analyzed further in the lab but the hope is that one of the assailants was cut by the wreckage while they were removing the missiles.

At the same time, Simon was at the warehouse working through the satellite footage from both attack sites. It was immediately clear that these thefts were being orchestrated by someone either inside the government, at a very high level, or has access to that person. Initially, Simon found that there were no US satellites over either site….none. The only way that would be even remotely possible would be to either control the flight paths of the satellites in each area, or know exactly when there is a blind spot in the coverage.

Simon smiled to himself, they have access to all of the US satellites but Simon is not so restrained by this limitation as he and the Rage have spread their influence all over the globe. Eventually, he found what he was looking for on one of our “allies” spy satellite that just happened to be over the east coast site during the attack:

A black SUV pulled up behind the transport and there was an explosion under the engine compartment. The SUV came to an abrupt stop right in the middle of the road and in less than 3 seconds, 4 occupants of the SUV came out two to a side, and slapped an explosive on each front door. Both detonated 2 seconds later and they pulled each door open and shot the occupants. Moving to dead in less than 20 seconds… They quickly secured the missiles into their vehicle and headed north.

Simon continued watching the footage of the SUV leaving the scene and heading through the mountains in West Virginia. There was an older section of road that they took which took them through the mountain and out the other side continuing toward Pennsylvania. Immediately, this caught Simon’s eye. The vehicle was out of site for a period of time. He watched the footage a second time and felt a tingle at the base of his neck. He hit several keys on his laptop and ran the footage again. Based on the speed of the SUV, the distance through the mountain, and the time from the footage, Simon found a 32 second delay passing through the mountain…time to offload someone and or something? The SUV continued on eventually ending up in a parking garage in the middle of Philadelphia and has not moved since. Simon figured they would have planned out the vehicle exchange and didn’t expect they would find any clues there but he was intrigued about the trip through the mountain in West Virginia. It was a nice day for a drive. He emailed Nikki the coordinates of the Philly drop site and told her where he was heading.

11:55 am

There are 2 things that I avoid like fucking with the Rage’s sweets, religion and politics. While one is the most ridiculous concept ever…. conceived, I get a lot of questions about religion. “How can you do what you do and even consider yourself a good person, you are going to burn in hell”. Ouch! I am a good person. The “ higher power “ you speak about made me. Let that saute a moment. Made me. I didn’t choose to have this irrepressible power lurking under my skin, in my mind, a part of me. It’s here and I am using every bit of humanity, love, passion, whatever you want to call it to keep the Rage focused on a positive bottom line, if I can be so crass. We did find that focus. He found something he likes even more than….JUSTICE….he found what was taken from him so many years ago. He found love.

That being said, the Rage does have other pursuits. Tango is resting most uncomfortably at the Chateau. The only reason we can consider these enlightened thoughts is that the source of what made the Rage who he is today is at his fingertips. I’ve seen the Rage end 4 people with just his fingertips….

We have to feed this dung beetle something so I grind up a pop tart (the off brand that taste like cardboard on a good day), the rat droppings in his room (I don’t want any complaints to management, the Rage is the GM), and some form of liquid. Hmmm, use your imagination. Grind, feed, alive to rap with the Rage another day…

Back to the enlightenment. Uniform for all intents and purposes is just a cranky old fucker. He isn’t guilty of anything other than being on the road while he is BWD, Belligerent While Driving! I know what you are thinking…relative. Might be, scary as that is, even the Rage doesn’t want to arrange a lunch date with this cranky dinosaur. He doesn’t get a pass though, you just can’t drive like that while the Rage holds a “valid” driver’s license….I took his social security and pension checks out of his mailbox. Can you believe that both checks arrived the same day we were in town? I’m taking that as the “higher power” mentioned above, approves of our new mission objective. Because I don’t want you to call an intervention on the Rage, I called in Uniform’s bar tab that is due at his local watering hole so no more 12 beer Tuesdays. Trust me, nothing will bring Uniform to his knees quicker, but just in case, and since he doesn’t do email, I….typed a fucking letter. I then had to drive to the Pack & Ship for stamps and envelopes because, really, who the fuck mails anything anymore, and sent him the following:

“Dear Uniform,

I am a serial killer who targets people who are the worst driver’s imaginable and who have the misfortune of crossing my path at an odd angle. You sir, drove right over that angle, backed up and did it a fourth time. Normally, I would stalk you, learn your every weakness and exploit that before, quite frankly, ending your life in probably the worst scenario ever, for you. I am trying to change my ways now and am just trying to help rid the roadways of people who are actually trying to get nowhere fast and doing it in the rudest manner possible. Maybe….without violence and death. In the spirit of the new path I am trying to take, I will give you a choice that many, many others didn’t get:

You choose:

1: Uber, 2: Public transportation, 3: Death.

I am not even remotely fucking around, you choose….

Simon”

I will let you know how that works out in what…7 to 10 days…