8:15 pm

Q&A: What is your favorite movie? It’s always been a tossup between Star Wars and Jaws but after Echo so lovingly taught the rage and I the art of shark fishing, I am now leaning all the way towards Jaws. Sharks are magnificent creatures and excellent help in disposing of bodies. Plus, who doesn’t like captain Quint, “Here’s to swimmin with bowlegged women”. It sure beats my dad’s tagline when he looked me in the eye as serious as a day in church and says, “Just once son, make sure you fuck her in the stinky pucker.” My old man was a beauty, that’s for sure. He died of a massive heart attack about a week after sharing that Hallmark moment with me as he was cursing his neighbor out because their dog kept shitting in my dad’s yard. You still wonder where the rage comes from?

Kilo knows right where the rage comes from, we took our time explaining it to him. I mentioned Kilo works as a security guard at night. The building he works in is 27 floors high. Imagine the damage to the body a jump from the roof by a man overwhelmed with guilt over his choices in life would do. I did and so did the rage. We had surveilled the building before and Kilo is the only security guard on shift. Perfect. We waited until the coast was clear and went to the locked front door and were anxiously looking back at the way we came and staring at my cell phone. We knocked on the door to feign a broken-down car and asked Kilo if we could use the phone to call the tow company since the cell was dead. When Kilo opened the door to tell us no, he found out that not only was the cell fully charged, it is actually a stun gun that looks like a cell. You can get anything you want on Amazon, I love that place.

Once we got Kilo on the roof and strapped in for the punishment phase of his visit, the rage went about duplicating the effects of jumping off a 27-story building while good ol Kilo was still alive and able to enjoy the consequences of his actions. Maybe enjoy is too strong a word…for Kilo, the rage most certainly enjoyed their time together. Thinking about my dad got us in a nostalgic frame of mind so we went old school and employed some good old-fashioned brass knuckles. The rage was always a fan of Mike Tyson, a fellow Rager for sure, so he went about trying to replicate each of Mike’s vicious knockouts. I think we used about half a pound of smelling salts to make sure Kilo didn’t miss any rounds. We made sure he understood just how wrong it is to hit a girl. Unfortunately for Kilo, we might have misunderstood the job of the cut man in the corner. It wasn’t until we were back in the ops center enjoying some vintage Tyson action that it dawned on us that the cut man was supposed to close the cuts, not open them. OOPS!!!

One messy swan dive later and there was a puddle of Kilo on the sidewalk out front of the building and a heartfelt suicide note held in place by his walkie talkie on the roof. Hey, on the brighter side, Kilo had the forethought to take out a big life insurance policy 2 years ago so that the suicide clause wouldn’t be effective. Huh, I wonder how he knew this was going to happen. That and I have a backdoor into the insurance company’s servers. They screwed me over on my premium a couple years back so I had to correct that situation. Anyway, after mourning for the appropriate amount of time for Kilo, 14 seconds should do, hopefully his wife can find a real man. Real men don’t hit women and they don’t cheat on their spouses!

11:45 am

FBI Headquarters

One of the agents in Jacksonville called Nikki earlier in the morning after having struck gold at a used car dealership right outside of Jacksonville. They found Philip Bernard’s Mustang and they also got a make and model of the vehicle he purchased, an older motorhome. A nationwide BOLO was issued for the vehicle but they were almost certain that Bernard would have changed out the plates by now. Regardless, they at least had something to look for and they had the make, model, and color of the vehicle.

Nikki had been reading over his comments and she had to agree with Simon that she was pretty certain he had killed someone. His last post read “I was right, you are not the only one with the power Simon, let them try to catch me. I am even better at this than you are, I will never be caught.” Unfortunately, he didn’t comment on an actual murder so there is no way to confirm if he killed anyone or not. Nikki knew after reading his comments and the longing he had for Simon’s approval that it would not be long before he made sure everyone knows what he did.

Nikki was spinning from side to side in her office chair leaning back staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what to reply to Simon’s email when there was a knock at her door. One of the junior agents handed Nikki a letter and said it was just dropped off by a courier. Nikki thanked the young man and turned to her desk and grabbed her letter opener. She slid the letter out and opened it and her heart stopped…. and then it started hammering against her ribs and she saw darkness coming at her from the sides of her vision. She was staring down at an old family photo with both of her parents, her grandparents and Nikki taken maybe 15 years ago. Everyone other than Nikki had a red X drawn over their face and there was a caption at the bottom of the photo…” One more to go agent Sebastian” ….

3:15 pm

India was Chester Lewis.

Q&A: How would you characterize your driving style? In a word, aggressive. Did you expect anything different? I told you I don’t like to waste time so I will get there as quickly as I can and get out of the car to try to spare as many volunteers as possible, but I never seem to be able to get where I am going before someone does volunteer. I just don’t like wasting time. I drive a manual transmission vehicle because if I am going to be forced to drive, I want to be a participant, and it requires a higher level of skill to drive. The rage likes shifting, what can I say. As long as you heed the move the fuck over rule, you will be just fine.

I did my due diligence on Kilo and I have to tell you, I thought the process had failed us. Kilo, on the surface, appeared to be a decent man. Appeared… I followed him and he has an unhealthy addiction to his cell phone that, thankfully, the rage and I know how to cure. I am not sure Kilo will like the process as much as we will. Kilo holds down a job in construction and looks to be a very hard worker. I found out the reason all the cars were in the driveway was because Kilo had family come from another country and he invited them to live with him until they get up on their own feet. Honorable. Kilo went out about 2 hours after getting home from his construction job so I figured up to no good right? Nope, Kilo works a second job as a security guard in the evening trying to make ends meet. Do I sense one getting away here? You know that would be devastating for the rage.

Then it happened. We were just about to cut the lines and let this boat float out to sea to live a long life when we saw Kilo making the moves on his brother’s wife in the backyard. Now it starts to make sense why a man would invite all these people to live in his home, he was two timing. The rage places a very high value on loyalty and honor and cheating on one’s spouse is a mortal sin as far as we are concerned. But it got better. Kilo’s wife came out of the house and saw he and her sister-in-law in a heated embrace and she came over and was giving Kilo the business when he hauled off and smacked his wife across the face sending her flailing into the grass at his feet. He then turned and walked away into the house. Your reservation has been confirmed sir, enjoy your stay.

7:25 pm

Nikki’s Townhouse

Nikki was working on her laptop at the kitchen table finishing up some notes on one of her open cases when Simon’s email notification went off. Nikki smiled as she opened up the email:

“Dearest Butterfly,

I miss you Nikki, I had forgotten what it was like to have this feeling all the time. I am excited one minute and miserable the next because you are not with me. I guess I have no choice but to throw myself into my work and thankfully, work is booming. I will give you India tomorrow so you have something else for your team. His body won’t be found so you will have another “disappearance” to work. You will be able to find Juliet though, I am just not ready to give him up yet.

You are still so young and vibrant (and stunningly beautiful and sexy), do you see children in your future?

What have you been able to figure out about Mr. Bernard? Did you see his latest comment, I think he may have killed someone? Please be safe Nikki and let me know if you need my intervention, you know it is what I live for!  I took this picture recently and it made me think of you. Goodnight sweet butterfly.

Love,

Simon”

Nikki opened the attachment to the email and there were the most beautiful eyes staring back at her, not human eyes, a cat’s eyes. Nikki was no wildlife expert but she does like some Nat Geo Wild and she was almost certain the eyes belong to a black panther. They were mesmerizing and Nikki couldn’t stop staring at them. They were such a vivid green it looked like they were made of pure emerald. While Nikki’s eyes were a unique vivid green themselves, they couldn’t hold a candle to the image she was staring at. She had just read Simon’s post about his wildlife photography and she just shook her head in wonder at this man Simon, he was so much more than she had first imagined. It made her chest hurt just a little more than usual.

2:15 pm

Q&A: Do you hunt? Interesting question and I do hunt, but probably not the same hunting you are thinking about. I love the outdoors, the fresh air and isolation of the woods. I enjoy the stalking and being able to get close enough to an animal that is also a hunter. The difference is that when I get that animal lined up in my sights, it is the sight of my camera. I would never kill a defenseless animal but I have some amazing photos of all kinds of animals. Some I have even had published so there is another way you can try to find Simon. I also hunt humans, case in point, Kilo.

I met this mattress stain while I was entering the interstate on the on ramp. Now, most people understand that the on ramp is there to allow the entering vehicles to increase their speed enough that they can safely merge onto the interstate where the other cars are going 65 mph, or more than likely, faster. Kilo didn’t get this memo, likely because he was on his cell phone while he was actually slowing down at the end of the on ramp. Cell phone use in the commission of a fuck up increases the consequences phase as you all know, and if that wasn’t enough to grant Kilo his reservation on my table, he was a constant braker. You know the type, can’t figure out how to maintain speed with the other drivers so he is tapping his brakes every other second…. on the interstate. Yep, he will be a guest. When the rage sees all that red, it gives him ideas. You should remember that!

We followed Kilo until he took his exit. At the bottom of the exit the light was red so we came to a stop, Kilo first car in line, me right on that ass. The light turns green and you know what Kilo did…nothing, he was still talking on the damn cell phone. I gave him a pleasant little beep and you will never in a million years guess what he did, he actually stuck his middle finger in the air in an offensive manner in my direction. I was shocked by the audacity, but the rage was giggling like a schoolgirl. I have often told you how important it is to enjoy your work and it doesn’t take much to appease the rage. He was already queuing up Britney while we followed Kilo for another 10 minutes before he pulled into the driveway of a modest looking rancher in a busted looking part of town. There were 6 other vehicles in and around the house so we thought they were throwing a party or something. We pulled up across the street and watched Kilo get out of the car, still on the cell phone which the rage now has an idea where the cell phone will end up and it will not be comfortable in any way shape or form for Kilo. Our first Latino, nice. I will remind our readers again, the rage does not discriminate over sex, race, religion or sexual preference, if you drive like a dick, consequences will be forthcoming. After making sure we had enough good video, we headed out and back to the ops center to start our research on Kilo.

10:50 am

FBI Headquarters

Nikki had a case open on the man Simon sent her the info on and was in the process of compiling all of the information she could gather. Simon had traced him back through his IP address and his name is Philip Bernard, 33, 5’ 9”, Brown eyes, brown hair. Bernard lives in Jacksonville, FL and drives a 2015 Ford Mustang. Nikki ran him through all of the data bases and found out he had 2 assault charges in his mid-20’s and then he was remanded to a mental health facility from 2014 to 2016. Nikki had requested the Jacksonville office to interview the hospital to learn what they could about Bernard and to pay a visit to his home to see what they could learn there as well. She had just hung up with the SA who informed her that Bernard was not at the residence listed on his license and hasn’t lived there for over 2 months. No forwarding address was left. Nikki reviewed Bernard’s financials and there has been no activity in the same 4 month period. Nikki had a sinking feeling that Bernard was on the road trying to imitate Simon.

Nikki had read all of the posts that Bernard has left on the Road Rage site and she had to agree with Simon that if he hasn’t already, it was only a matter of time before he started killing. She had noted a few comments in particular, “Simon, I truly believe in your mission and I would love to help. I have some unique skills that will come in handy”, and “I definitely have some targets for you Simon, we can make them pay together”. As of late, the posts started taking on a darker tone when Simon didn’t respond to him, “Why won’t you let me help you, do you think you are the only one who can bring justice”, and his latest comment, “There’s enough room for both of us, if you don’t want my help I don’t need yours either. Maybe I will pay your lady friend a visit and see what she thinks”.

“He obviously has no idea who he is dealing with” Nikki muttered. Since they have the VIN for Bernard’s Mustang and Nikki was pretty sure he would have gotten rid of it in lieu of something similar to Simon’s mobile Ops center. She asked the Jacksonville agents to check with the local car dealerships to see if maybe they can get lucky and find the Mustang or even better, what he traded it for so they could have something to track. Without a location or any murders to investigate, the car was the best lead they had at this point. Nikki only hoped they were wrong about Bernard, but she has been doing this long enough to know better. She was feeling restless so she headed over the firing range to get in some practice. Nikki was extremely proficient with her service weapon but it never hurts to practice. Plus, there is something therapeutic about shooting that calms her when she is stressed or anxious and this thing with Simon has her twisted up tighter than a pretzel. Now that she thought about the pretzel analogy, she was also going to have to go out and get some lunch.

8:30 pm

Q&A: If you could hang out with 2 famous people for a day, who would it be? That’s easy, Lee Child and Bear Grylls. Lee Child wrote the Jack Reacher books and the man knows a little bit about rage. I loved the books and read them all. Bear Grylls is just one wide open human being and I imagine being around that energy is pretty thrilling. Plus, he can find something to eat anywhere on the planet, a good skill to have, the rage likes to eat. Can you imagine a camping trip with the three of us, probably a good idea to keep the camping knives away from Lee and I? I read what Jack Reacher can do with a knife and you know I have an affinity myself.

Enough fiction for the day, let’s get to the non-fiction portion of our day because it is worth the read. Juliet parks in a parking garage so I waited in my car until I saw him come out of the elevator. He will have one more drunk driving incident and unfortunately it will involve a fatality…his, so we need his car. I got out of my car and walked up behind him until he was at his driver’s door and I said “excuse me sir”, when he turned I hit him with the stun gun. I never get tired of that look in their eyes as the volts start flowing through them and their muscles stop working. He hit the ground in a pile, limbs this way and that. If I wasn’t on a timeline, I might have taken a photo or two, but work calls. I threw him into the trunk and headed to the ops center.

Here’s the tricky part. Juliet needs to have a high enough blood alcohol level when they do the autopsy on what’s left of the walking human excrement but I don’t want to dull the effects of the punishment phase because if anyone deserves the rage’s undivided attention, it’s Juliet. I had to time it just right so I could get enough alcohol into his system before his heart stopped beating. I ended up having to do chest compressions for a good 15 minutes, the rage got a little carried away. I read somewhere that fire is considered the basis of humanity. The ability to start fire is what propelled the human race to the point in history and a time that a piece of shit like Juliet can go around drinking and driving and killing 17-year-old girls. I thought it appropriate we celebrate this achievement with a blow torch. The wreck will end in a fiery mess so I let the rage get a head start and after a couple of hours, he looked like Michelangelo working on a masterpiece…. of pain. He loves the blow torch, what can I say. When they were both done and Britney finished singing, we loaded up the drunk corpse of Juliet into his car and headed to the accident scene. There is a humongous hill and at the bottom is an abandoned house with an old propane tank that I made sure had some propane in it. It was actually pretty easy, I started the car, shifted it into gear and watched from the top of the hill as Juliet’s car went straight down the hill and into the tank. The explosion lit up like a new day dawning, a beautiful day without Juliet in it.

Thankfully the divorce wasn’t final yet and Juliet changed the beneficiaries on his will and life insurance to take care of his estranged wife and kids. Fucker had changed everything to his mistress, too bad for her. She should have had a more stringent mate selection process.

11:45 am

Juliet comes to us via referral of sorts. I told you I had a reader write in and tell a tale of a drunk driver but I didn’t elaborate because I wanted to do my own research. I am glad I followed my instinct and looked this oozing dick lesion up because if anyone deserves to become a guest at Chateau De Simon, it is Juliet. First, the runny fart is an attorney: strike one. Second, he has been arrested for DUI 4 separate times, been to court only twice and both times plead out to a non-alcohol related charge so he can continue to drink and drive: Strike two. Lastly, I learned he owns stock in Sprint: game over! Did I mention that the last incident involved a fatality of a 17-year-old girl who was on her way home from working her shitty job in the fast food industry so she could save money to go to college? The girl was a straight A student with the whole world in front of her, or at least she was before Juliet came along and killed her by his selfish act. The rage and I have our own version of AA and Juliet is going to find out that ours is only a 2-step program: Pain and Death. Saved him 10 whole steps, do you think he will be appreciative?

Thankfully, Juliet is divorced, shocker, so we have a little leeway but unfortunately, we will need to leave a body so they can wrap up his estate. I would bet he made sure to fuck his family over, but you know Simon knows what to do in that case. My new hybrid transport vehicle is charged up and ready to go. Feels like a good time for an environmentally friendly night op.

4:55 pm

Nikki’s Townhouse

 

The notification finally sounded indicating that Simon sent a reply. Nikki felt like she hadn’t taken a breath since she sent her email, waiting to hear back. The butterflies had reproduced exponentially since her last communication and were now hosting a carnival in her belly. She opened the email:

 

“Dearest Butterfly,

 

Thank you for what you said Nikki, all of it. Knowing that I could bring a small measure of relief to the families of those girls makes my entire mission worthwhile, that’s why I started to begin with. Be careful letting that rage out, as I said in the blog, once it’s out, it likes to stay out. You are much too good of a person to let the rage control anything about you, that’s what I am here for.

 

I have been kicking myself for walking out of your bedroom, but after what you wrote, I think we would still be there suffering from starvation and dehydration by now if I had stayed. I can’t imagine I possess the strength to let you out of my arms once they are around you. You are even more beautiful in person than I thought possible. One day Nikki, one day…..

 

I hate to change subjects so abruptly, but someone has been commenting on my blog and I think this person is a copycat wanna be of sorts. He has been commenting on my guests, making suggestions, asking to be part of the mission. I see a lot of weirdo comments, but this guy is more adamant that he can do what I am doing. While I don’t hold a patent on my mission, I do have strict criteria that I adhere to and I think this guy is just a killer, whether or not he has acted yet, I am pretty sure he will. I have attached the info I have on him to the email so you can do some digging yourself. While I have never used your name or even that you work for the FBI in my blog, if you read close enough you can probably tell that I am referring to you. I want to make sure you are safe so please let me know if anything happens on your end. I can’t imagine anyone reading the blog would mess with someone important to me, but you never know. Be safe sweet butterfly.

 

Love,

 

Simon”

1:45 pm

 

Q&A time: what kind of music do you like. Excellent question. I love a lot of different kinds of music, rock & roll obviously, dance music, anything with a good beat. But I will share that the rage likes only one song when he is working on a guest and that is Britney Spears’ “Work Bitch!” He frigging loves that song and plays it over in a loop when he….works. Don’t try to reason with the rage, he doesn’t listen and he loves Britney.

 

Speaking of Work Bitch, that’s what we have been up to the last couple of days. I’m in the process of changing out my vehicle (s) with alternate power vehicles. Kevin says we need to respect and help improve the planet and since that’s our core mission objective, I can’t argue that fact. I sold my last transport vehicle and haven’t had time to source a new alternative energy vehicle yet so I improvised and took the bus. Yeah, the bus. If I thought there was crazy people at Karaoke, they don’t hold a candle to bus dwellers. India lives in an older residential area and there is a lot of space between the houses so a frontal approach was called for. Maybe I was feeling bold after experiencing all the bus had to offer, maybe I just needed a change. I walked right up to India’s front door and hit the doorbell. I was standing in front of the peephole, but I had my head turned so he couldn’t recognize me right off. I heard the locks slide and the door creaked open and the upright corpse says “what do you want”, such a gentleman. I turned so he could fully see my face and said “I came to collect for my pie” and then I reached out and hit him with the stun gun and he flopped backwards into the house. I stepped over the threshold and shoved the door closed. I had been by India’s house before and knew that he parked his vehicle in the garage so I drug him into the garage and loaded him into the trunk and headed to the ops center.

You remember I said something about acupuncture right? Well, I did some research and while it was designed to reduce pain, I can only reason that a slight variation of location and of course needle size, may produce the opposite and actually cause pain. The rage perked right up at this finding. As I was dragging India through his garage, I saw he had a small compressor and a finish nail gun….interesting. We grabbed both on our way out. I had a chart hung on the wall in the ops center showing the proper points to insert the needles. We fired up the compressor and loaded some finish nails into the gun and aimed about a half inch off from the proper point and we received the exact reaction we were looking for, pain. Don’t fuck with the rage’s pecan pie! “You want a hot body” thump, “You want a Bugatti” thump/scream, “You want a Maserati” thump/scream/pass out. Don’t worry, there are several verses to the song and that is before the loop starts. It was a long night and I think the body weighed an additional 3 pounds from all the nails when I went to load him back into the trunk and head out for disposal. I found the title for India’s car when we were in his house and of course, he signed it for us, what a guy. After the body was disposed of and the car cleaned properly and filled with fuel, we drove to our bus stop and found the older lady who we met the other night on the bus. She takes the bus for an hour each way from her house to an office building in the center of the city where she cleans the buildings all night. We handed her the title and the keys and headed back to the ops center on foot. It was a beautiful night for a walk.